Detach from the result, focus on the journey

I spent my first 25 years in a cage.

Living in a world that measures success by how many goals you achieve, how fast you climb the ladder, or how impressive your achievements look on paper.

And then I fall into the trap, constantly telling myself:

• “I’ll be happy when I finish the project and take a long holiday”

• "I'll be happy when I start earning $5k/month"

• "I'll be happy when I find my dream girlfriend"

• "I'll be happy when XYZ"

But deep down, I always knew that even when I do hit that goal, the rush doesn’t last.

Yeah, there's a short high, but followed by the question of

“Now what?”

and the cycle goes on.

That is your cage as well!

The real issue isn’t your goals—it’s the way you pin your entire sense of happiness and worth to their outcomes.

When you’re always chasing the next big thing, it’s like running on a treadmill with no off switch.

Yeah, checking off boxes is cool and feels pleasurable while doing that, but you’re missing the good stuff that happens while you’re getting to the goal.

Let me ask you this:

What if you could take a breath, stay present, and find joy in today while still moving forward?

It's possible.

It’s actually when the game changes, and life starts to feel less like a series of “not enoughs” and more like something you’re truly living.

The problem

We're in the same cage, and we don't even realize it yet.

You put the goal on a pedestal. You want it sooo much that you'd do anything you can imagine to reach it.

And you want it to work out because if it doesn't then it's yet another "not enough"

But isn't that acting from despair rather than intent?

It feels like you're a slave to the goal you've set for yourself and it's not even enjoyable.

Let me give you a simple example.

Think back to the last time you went on a first date. Excitement mixed with anxiety, right? The closer you got, the more those doubts took over:

• "What should I wear?"

• "Did I pick the right place?"

• "What if I mess up the conversation?"

• "It’s been so long since I’ve done this, what if I screw it up?"

Then, when you finally meet her, you're too caught up in your head to be present. You freeze. The night doesn’t go how you expected, and you leave feeling like you didn’t show the best version of yourself.

Why when you're with your friends you are just chill and conversations are flowing. You are sometimes even the life of the party, or at least you're not afraid of being that.

Well it all leads to the same thing somehow.

Here's the thing: The whole date you were so focused on the outcome—on impressing her—that you missed the moment itself to just be there. When you go out with friends you don't have the goal to be something else, you are just there to experience the reality you're in.

The same thing happens when we tie our happiness to a goal. We're so fixated on getting there that we miss out on enjoying the journey, and this creates even excess energy that would probably make our goal even more unattainable.

And even if we reach the goal, it rarely feels as good as we imagined, because the chase never stops.

A way out

You CAN be happy even if you don't achieve the goal

You CAN experience life now, instead of waiting first to reach the goal.

You CAN break free from checking boxes and climbing ladders.

No, I won't tell you a simple solution for it but I will give you a process how you can find what works for you.

You can find YOUR way to happiness.

HOW

No I'm not saying drop all your goals and go to an ashram in India and meditate for a year, walking barefoot and don't talk to anyone. (Although if that's what you want please let me know I'd like to talk more :))

All I'm saying is set your goals and try to achieve them, but think of a goal as your North Star.

It can be your guide through your life and show you the path when you feel like you are off-course.

Set this big goal but set some smaller milestones that will show you that you're on the right track as addition to this north star goal.

You need the balance between checking boxes and living your every day life!

I promise you this is not a newsletter about goal setting but I need to mention this.

Think about some of the goals you have at the moment on top of your list, or THE GOAL.

How important it is for you? Is it really crucial to your happiness?

If it is then you connect a lot of excess stress to it. You need to ease up and lower your tension and let your energy flow smoothly.

It's important to set outcome independent goals. Think of the north star, something that will guide you through the time and space but you would be happy even if you don't reach it 100%.

intention ≠ expectation

Moving on:

Understand that you have some PART inside of yourself that cares too much about the goal. BUT, this is not all of you. Accept this part that is super connected to the outcome and don't judge it.

You can choose from which place you're acting:

1) Excitement

I'm super pumped up for making this happen. I'll have fun doing so and would love to spend my energy on it

2) Anxiety

I HAVE to get it, and I have to get it ASAFP.

Notice these 2 modes and even if your default mode is #2, accepting it can make it easier to transition to mode 1.

"Okay Dan, but I have a lot on my mind and I can't always be so balanced and aligned to not want something too much or not be longing for something"

I get it. Again this is a process of shifting your mindset. It takes a while to achieve the state and it can get worse before it gets better but let me give you a simple game.

And let's call it

The excess game

The point of the whole game is to shift your focus and energy FROM the goal TO the intention behind it.

(remember point 1?)

Whenever you notice that you start caring a bit too much go through these:

1. Pause and breathe

   Take just a moment and breathe deeply. Take 5-10 deep breaths. Close your eyes if you need to and try to calm your mind. It can be anywhere (not while driving or doing something that can put you in danger pls)

2. Recognize the attachment.

   Acknowledge that you're attaching too much importance to the goal or the outcome.

   Say it: "I'm feeling overwhelmed because there's part of me that is too focused on the result. My attachment to it is creating excess stress"

3. Ask yourself 3 questions:

• What is my true intention behind this goal? (Why do I want to achieve this in the first place?)

• How do I want to feel once I reach this goal? (Is it about feeling accomplished, free, confident, or peaceful?)

• What is the bigger picture here? (Am I pursuing this goal because it aligns with my values, or am I doing it out of external pressure or expectations?)

4. Notice how you feel

Visualize how you feel achieving the goal and how do you feel in the process of achieving it.

5. Release the need for control!

You don't have to control every outcome on the way. Trust that things will unfold as they should.

Ask yourself, What can I control right now? (The actions I take, my mindset, how I react to challenges—everything else will come when it's meant to.)

6. Enjoy the present moment.

What can I appreciate about what I'm doing right now (the skills I'm learning, the effort I'm putting, the small progress I'm making)

All it takes is 5-10 minutes of your time whenever you feel like you're losing the excess game.

Why should I care?

This is how you shift your attention and focus more on the journey instead of checking boxes and climbing social ladders.

You will immediately feel the switch inside of you and somehow this sense of inner peace will be more present.

Detaching from the outcome is turning all the "not enoughs" into "I absolutely love my life"

And then you'll start noticing how the relationship with yourself started being deeper, stronger and more meaningful. Of course this automatically makes the relationship with others better.

Adapting healthier coping mechanisms will replace the anxiety and worry with sense of purpose and clarity.

This is all it takes!

Time to Detach and Find True Fulfillment

First thank you for reading this far. As my subscriber I want to treat you with early access to my FREE e-book. I love having you in here and I prepared something special for you. This is what helped me become who I’m today. You can download the e-book below.

If there’s one thing I want you to take away from this article, it’s that true success isn’t about the goals you achieve, but the journey you experience along the way.

We’ve all heard the stories of people who’ve chased their dreams and reached the top, only to find themselves empty, stressed, and disconnected from what really matters.

No amount of success, no matter how big, can make you feel fulfilled unless you have the right mindset. If it did, every high achiever would feel content and at peace. But they don’t.

The key is to shift from chasing goals to focusing on your true intentions. When you detach from the outcome, let go of the pressure, and embrace the process, that’s when you create balance and fulfillment in your life.

Now, it’s time for you to define what true success means for you. What do you really want to experience in life? What kind of person do you want to be along the way?

If you’re struggling to find that balance, I’m here to guide you. I help my clients shift from living in constant stress and striving for unattainable goals, to finding peace in the present and achieving success on their own terms.

If you're ready to explore how this process can work for you, click here. We’ll dive into where you are right now and where you want to go, and see how we can make it happen together.

Don't forget to download the FREE e-book to help you whenever you feel a bit too attached to your goal

With peace and purpose,

Dan Karat